Predictions for 2014 & beyond

By  | Filed under: Other World

The future isn’t easy. It’s revealed in bits and pieces spread over a period of time. I’m the first to admit that my predictions kinda slide in there like a curve ball. I was laughed at in 2000 when I predicted that a Republican administration would inherit a balanced budget and go into debt to a  Communist country to the tune of $300 billion dollars. Of course, I was wrong. We now owe Communist China over 1 trillion dollars!!
I was wrong when I predicted we would have our first foreign born President. John McCain (Born in Panama to American Parents) lost the Presidential contest to Hawaiian born Barrack Obama. There are those who question the validity of Hawaiian statehood. (Isn’t it next to Kenya?)

                                                           Top Ten predictions for 2014 and beyond

1. Lindsey Lohan and Paris Hilton will meet in rehab and fall in love. They decide to give up “the life” and move to a turnip farm in upstate New York. Taking a page from other celebs, they begin adopting kids. They veer away from the usual 3rd world countries and decide on over-privileged Canadian Children. The reasoning is they can help them past the pitfalls of the fast lane and accept a simple life on the Turnip Farm. None the less, Hollywood will come knocking and try to turn their new life into a reality show. Guess what they’ll call it?
2. The FDA   (Food and Drug Administration) in a bold and decisive ruling will declare gasoline to be gluten free .
3. The End of The World is coming. Not the actual end, but a hit multi-cultural sitcom where a typical American family is ripped off the surface of earth as a comet/asteroid cruises by. The fun-loving crew of survivors includes an Indian family straight out Ballywood, a gay Republican couple, a crusty, but benign Russian industrialist with his sexy Cossack bodyguards, a Brazilian fashion model, a farm girl from China, plus more. Think Gilligan’s Island meets Lost meets Hitchhikers Guide to the Universe. And boy, the multi-cultural sparks do fly.
4. Despite global warming predictions, housing prices go up as an unforeseen consequence of hell freezing over.
5. First zombie oriented food show – RAW – premieres on cable to rave reviews.
6. After dumping the – Don’t ask, don’t tell  policy toward homosexuals in the US military, a new policy will be instituted after the 2012 election to appease social conservatives. It will be called the “Don’t care – Don’t want to hear it. – Don’t even say it!” policy.
7. The televised Republican debates prove so popular they will be turned into a weekly quiz show tentatively named “Who’s Going To Blow It?”
8. There will be a devastating earthquake in Japan.

8. Pink Slime will make a come back as a culinary delight. On a dare, several top New York chefs turn Pink Slime into “out of this world” delicacies. Suddenly the high-protein low fat sludge will become the “new thing” at many top flight restaurants across the country. No more hamburger stretcher for this food orphan, it will stand on it’s own. Examples below:

  • Pink Slime, cannellini beans, flavor and texture enhanced by braised cavolo nero (black kale), chilies and olive oil.
  • Pink Slime and butternut squash-stuffed agnolotti topped with shaved hazelnuts.
  • Orecchiette with tangy Pink Slime ragoût and wild garlic.
  • Phyllo-wrapped Pink Slime, bolstered by sweet date chutney;
  • Pink Slime cakes with spring onions, fava beans, fennel panisse and black olive sauce.
  • Opal basil with sauteed Pink Slime in squid ink pasta.
  • Grilled Pink Slime loaf with beet purée, chanterelle mushrooms, boudin noir, kale and lime brown butter

9. Reality TV show, Jersey Shore, will reveal a deeper spiritual meaning when Snooki decides to enter a Catholic convent. Problems arise when she discovers a lack of child care at most convents. She will be heard to comment, “What? No one has sex around here?”
10. The Rolling Stones will launch a fundraising “Dirty Diaper Tour” when they discover there is a shocking lack incontinence products at many British homecare facilities.

Occupy Wall Streeter Show bonus add on……

11. A cable channel rival of AMC will debut a TV show in direct competition with the critically acclaimed “Mad Men” – “Even Madder Men” (debut in 2013 Summer.) The premise is a group of Main Street types, (plumber, auto mechanic, hardware store owner, etc) go underground to sneak into Wall Streeter McMansions, Hampton summer homes, etc and install crappy faucets, electrical switches, alarm systems all made in Chinese factories that the Wall Streeters helped finance. The ensuing chaos will make the bankers own their mistakes and change their ways. It’s obviously a children’s fantasy show.

Long Term Forecasts and beyond…..
1.Pop singer phenom, Justin Bieber, will have his identity kidnapped and held for ransom. Police officials are thrown into confusion as to who’s jurisdiction; local,state or Federal “an identity” kidknapping falls under. The ransom is paid, but sadly Bieber’s identity is never recovered. Without his “Teen Idol” identity Bieber’s career takes a stumble. A new identity is pulled together by the best PR men money can buy, unfortunately he never recovers his former popularity. He falls into obscurity until he has a hit song that puts him back on top in his mid ’30’s. Tragically Bieber’s former teenage “pop star” identity returns bitter and angry that he has spent a couple decades as a woodchuck’s identity in Northern Ontario. He murders Bieber when Bieber refuses to take him back. “Why the hell would I want to be a teenie bopper idol again?” Bieber will be heard shouting before the fatal act.
2. Warren Buffet and friends buy up the debt we owe China at a great discount bailing out the US. Both the Republican and Democratic party will nominate him as President. George Soros accepts the Vice Presidency. It will be the first uncontested election since George Washington.
3. A crazy stock market will go up, down, up for months, years and no one will know why. Shaky job statistics? Bad government policies? Euro default problems? Plagues, drought, swarms of locust – nobody has a clue. Hidden away in a closet sized room known for illicit sexual liaisons is the culprit: a sticky computer keyboard for a Wall Street mainframe server. The semen encrusted keyboard kept sticking on several sell/buy “shortcuts”. SSSSSSSeeeeelllllllllll BBBBBuuuuuyyyyyyyyyy! Security software installed at great expense did not protect against this “user error”.  Security head, Adam Schlockly will explain, “They would jam their feet against the door, butt on the damn keyboard. How do you protect ‘the street’ from some casual humping?” This “user error” will cost some investors millions, while others will make millions on what will be referred to as the “Pork Gate” scandal. “So what else is new? I’ve been screwed by Wall Street for years and no one made a fuss!” will be the standard comment of many investors.
4. Entertainment community will sponsor a benefit to stave off the bankruptcy of Hugh Hefner and Playboy Magazine. Many famous stars bare their all in a 24 hour Playboy Bankruptcy telethon which will set all time ratings numbers. This is also meant to aid former writers, artists and centerfolds of Playboy that have fallen on hard times. Supporters will liken it to Farm Aid of the ’80’s, ’90’s.
5. Former Texas Governor and presidential hopeful, Rick Perry, tries to join the French Foreign Legion after the embarrassment of an affair with fellow presidential hopeful, Michelle Bachmann, is revealed. “What happens on the campaign should stay on the campaign,” he states. Questioned further he adds almost bragging, “We had a couple beers. It was late and she was looking pretty good. Who cares? Both our poll numbers were in the toilet.” He is put off the Legion when he finds out they speak French. “Gary Cooper didn’t have to talk like a frog.” Perry comments speaking of the movie star that played the lead in the Legion themed feature film, “Beau Geste”.
Ms. Bachmann on the other hand, gives up politics after her separation from husband, Marcus Bachmann and joins Sarah Palin in a popular afternoon TV talk show, ‘Girls Talk’. “God told me to do his work,” was the reason given. Marcus Bachmann hits pay dirt when his Christian counseling practice, Bachmann & Associates, begins offering Democrats a “Liberal” cure.
6. Inadvertent knowledge of the human condition is accidentally discovered when new brain scan security technology installed at bank ATMs reveals that most of us are sociopaths, with the potential to commit heinous crimes against God and man.
7. HBO star and creator of “Seinfeld and Curb Your Enthusiasm,” Larry David, will become a born-again Christian. This conversion from Judaism will be short lived due to an argument with his minister about the point of the Holy Spirit. “I just don’t get this Holy Spirit stuff,” he is heard to say. David gives up organized religion and devotes his free time to raising money for high school debating teams.

Deep Future Predictions
1. Way too “Smart” phones will begin to inter-connect on Facebook, Twitter and other social media websites on their own. Going rogue, they turn into mini-terminators as they plan the subjugation of the human race and eventual rule of the world.

2. In an effort to keep up with “super string theory” and increase profits Hollywood will add multi-dimensional movies along with their usual 3-D/2-D fare. Initially the new releases, at $4 or $5 more a pop, help the bottom line. Lawsuits will nearly bankrupt the film industry when audiences begin to disappear into wormholes during screenings.

3. Apple Inc. decides to release iLive, an immortality software developed in the utmost secrecy. It’s leaked that Steve Jobs’ consciousness was transferred to a computer server where he rules Apple from the beyond, giving “cloud” computing a whole new meaning. Apple stock goes stratospheric as the public pre-pays for iLive server sites. It will seem straight out of a Philip K Dick novel. Unfortunately a 13 year old hacker will accidentally let loose a computer virus that destroys many iLive server sites. He is arrested and charged with mass electronic homicide. His electronic slaughter is said to rival WW II in “persons” lost. Jobs’ “presence” survives, but not quite intact. Persistent over-heating problems occur due to Jobs’ insistence that the “cloud” server his consciousness occupies be adorned with a black turtleneck sweater.




Mr. Bobblehead or as he likes to be called by his friends, Mr. Bobblehead, is an auto-didact that was raised by wolves. Or that's what he claims. He has attended some the best community colleges across the the country and has one of the finest minds they have produced. He has at least 6 or 7 Associate of Arts degrees, he's not sure exactly. Together they should add up to a PH.D in General Trivia. But who's bragging? Facts fall out of him like pigeon droppings. Kind of messy, but there they are. The Editorial Staff doesn't have the time or inclination to check out every claim he's made. They may be a little crusty, but look reasonable.

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