Emo Parking Purposed

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Leaders of the emotionally challenged community are urging local municipalities and their elected officials to set aside parking spots for the emotionally handicapped.

Emo Parking Only

Emo Parking Only

They may not use a cane or wheelchair but are equally incapable of dealing with overcrowded parking say advocates. Sandra Krakuyup, an ECC leader, claims the social and personal costs outweigh any political foot dragging.”I have found myself completely undone. You try parking a full size Mercedes while sobbing uncontrollably. I just can’t deal! And I want to die!” claims Krakuyop. “Or kill,” say others. Experts state that many emotionally distraught drivers are borderline personalities and having a bad parking day is a dangerous proposition.

Hell Meter

Hell Meter

Sometimes this can lead to desperate anti-social behavior. Extreme “parking rage” could be the end result. Despite these dire warnings, setting aside parking spots for the emotionally handicapped has been given a lukewarm reception. “No one will do anything until it’s too late and someone dies.” say Krakuyup. While bad behavior while shopping is par for the course, a recent incident where an enthusiastic shopper used pepper spray to get her “good deal” purchase, backs up the “shoppers fever” theory. A “shopper” with pepper spray is one thing, a shopper with a 2 ton “weapon”, their car or truck, is a societal disaster, say the experts. Police admit to finding an increase in distraught drivers in popular shopping areas.

No Parking Death

No Parking Death

Many are found hands clenched to the steering wheel, frozen, unable to move, park or drive a vehicle. Sometimes a 911 call for an ambulance and tow truck is necessary. “They ditch their car in the middle of the street for a Macy’s sale. It’s nuts.” says a tow truck operator. “Sometimes these people are so out of it, I’m tempted to test them for drugs. Heck, meth heads have more social conscience,” claims a local parking cop. ECC Attorney, J.J. Leadfoot, says, “Like any social movement, it will take time to raise the the consciousness of the general public. Hostility, disbelief and ridicule are always the response to new ideas. We’ve hit all the soft touch liberal websites and have already started building sympathy for the emotionally challenged community. Hell, in a couple years we may have more than parking spots. Disability, SSI payments, class action lawsuits, who knows where it will end.” And off the record, Attorney Leadfoot admitted these lawsuits should put his law firm in some “big” money.

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