Unicorn Meat? Yodelling Pickle? Zombie Jerky? And more. This is a quick review of the many wondrous products offered to the public through the magic of the internet. Some of these items are must haves while others demand a more discriminating taste. A can of Unicorn Meat is perfect gift for someone you don’t care to ever see again. Or Read more →
Ever since the demise of Osama Bin Laden was announced, sightings of the Al Queda leader have begun to appear. Some liken this to the many sightings of pop idol Elvis Presley, presidential assassin Lee Harvey Oswald and former House Speaker Newt Gingrich. In Gingrich’s case, some claim they’ve witnessed him running for the Republican Presidential nomination. Read more →
Leaders of the emotionally challenged community are urging local municipalities and their elected officials to set aside parking spots for the emotionally handicapped.
Emo Parking Only
They may not use a cane or wheelchair but are equally incapable of dealing with overcrowded parking say advocates. Sandra Krakuyup, an ECC leader, claims the social and personal costs outweigh any political foot dragging.”I have found myself completely undone. You try parking a full size Mercedes while sobbing uncontrollably. I just can’t deal! And I want to die!” claims Krakuyop. “Or kill,” say others. Experts state that many emotionally distraught drivers are borderline personalities and having a bad parking day is a dangerous proposition.
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The future isn’t easy. It’s revealed in bits and pieces spread over a period of time. I’m the first to admit that my predictions kinda slide in there like a curve ball. I was laughed at in 2000 when I predicted that a Republican administration would inherit a balanced budget and go into debt to a Communist country to the tune of $300 billion dollars. Of course, I was wrong. We now owe Communist China over 1 trillion dollars!!
I was wrong when I predicted we would have our first foreign born President. John McCain (Born in Panama to American Parents) lost the Presidential contest to Hawaiian born Barrack Obama. There are those who question the validity of Hawaiian statehood. (Isn’t it next to Kenya?)
Top Ten predictions for 2014 and beyond
1. Lindsey Lohan and Paris Hilton will meet in rehab and fall in love. They decide to give up “the life” and move to a turnip farm in upstate New York. Taking a page from other celebs, they begin adopting kids. They veer away from the usual 3rd world countries and decide on over-privileged Canadian Children. The reasoning is they can help them past the pitfalls of the fast lane and accept a simple life on the Turnip Farm. None the less, Hollywood will come knocking and try to turn their new life into a reality show. Guess what they’ll call it?
2. The FDA (Food and Drug Administration) in a bold and decisive ruling will declare gasoline to be gluten free .
3. The End of The World is coming. Not the actual end, but a hit multi-cultural sitcom where a typical American family is ripped off the surface of earth as a comet/asteroid cruises by. The fun-loving crew of survivors includes an Indian family straight out Ballywood, a gay Republican couple, a crusty, but benign Russian industrialist with his sexy Cossack bodyguards, a Brazilian fashion model, a farm girl from China, plus more. Think Gilligan’s Island meets Lost meets Hitchhikers Guide to the Universe. And boy, the multi-cultural sparks do fly.
4. Despite global warming predictions, housing prices go up as an unforeseen consequence of hell freezing over.
5. First zombie oriented food show – RAW – premieres on cable to rave reviews. Read more →
According to a study conducted in China, an “addiction” to the Internet can lead to structural damage of your brain. In fact as you read this blog, you are destroying millions of brain cells in a kind of cellular interneticide.
The researchers studied 17 teenagers with Internet Addiction Disorder or IAD and found that each had “structural and functional interference in the part of the brain that regulates organization, judgement, desire, TV viewing, emo music choices, possibly causing cognitive impairment similar to that caused by gambling, alcoholism, sexual petting, watching Star Search or the Republican Presidential Primary debates.” Read more →
It’s the newest thing around. No more nambi pambi, sugar and sweet. Flaky positive thinking? Not here, this is the gritty torrid Astro Pneumatic truth, warts and all. We at the Protocol thought it was about time to give people the grim truth about what’s in store for them. The future isn’t pretty, so why white wash it. Beginning next month, we’ll giving out astro projections that don’t hide the brutal real world experience we all deal with on the day to day. You can run but you can’t hide from Hot Astro Pneumatic Projections. Go ahead, pick a sign.
Aries – March 21 – April 20
Taurus – April 21 – May 20
Gemini – May 21 – June 20
Cancer – June 21 – July 20
Leo – July 21 – August 21
Virgo – August 22 – Sept 22
Libra – Sept 23 – October 22
Scorpio – October 23 – Nov 22
Sagittarius – Nov 23 – December 20
Capricorn – Dec 21 – January 19
Aquarius – Jan 20 – February 18
Pisces – Feb 19 – March 20
Rare IFE Photo
Experts claim IFE over-population is due to an increasingly complicated and dangerous world. This answers earlier speculation of mass IFE extinction in the late eighties. At the time some urged the IFE to be placed on a kind of endangered entity list. This caused an uproar within the psychology community since the IFE or Imaginary Friend Entity could not be proved to exist, they could not be proved not to exist. This logical conundrum combined with the hardnosed “bottom line” cultural attitudes of the late 1980’s and early 1990’s came close to ending the IFE phenomenon. Experts say the IFE was ghettoized, found only within circles of dangerously psychotic adults and severely abused children. Thought practically extinct by the psychology community, Read more →
There’s money in them thar’ lobes! Big money according to some. Dream interpretation is becoming the next big thing! As big as EST was in the ’70’s, spirit channeling in the ’80’s, investing in the stock market in the ’90’s? Bigger and more lucrative is the answer. Why? Everyone dreams. Whether they want to admit it or not. “EST was early psycho babble. Channeling? Who wants some grumpy 5000 year old Sanskrit priest in their living room? Or a Druid who drinks baby blood? It’s unappealing and truly distasteful.” says Beverly Hills oneirologist, Dreamy Draw. “The’90’s ‘internet bubble’ was a crazy mass dream. but the ‘real estate bubble’ was a national nightmare we’re all trying to wake-up from.” Read more →
Once again the Presidential race is upon us and both parties nominating conventions are over. Once again the hopeful politicians and non-politicians that lined up to become the Republican Party nominee have fallen off the face of the planet. Is it an episode of Twilight Zone? A 48 Hour Mystery? There were so many. So many tried to catch the Tea Party Wave. So many who wanted to run against a shaky Democratic President of a country in economic turmoil. So many that for a time most of us were having trouble keeping track of them. Changes to the line up added to the confusion. With each debate, each performance, each revelation of their past, they would explode with possibility and as quickly fade into obscurity.
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