Aries – March 21 – April 20


Aries the Ram

Aries the Ram

      Aries The RamAries

  • Symbiotic Animal – Common Wombat
  • Spiritual Appliance – Navel fuzz remover
  • Symbolic Handtool – Boogie Board
  • Spiritual Stone – Chunk of cement.

Aries loves a challenge. Whether it’s climbing Mt. Everest, kayaking the Arctic, a shopping spree on Black Friday or draining a septic tank, Aries approach life with confidence and enthusiasm. Usually known for acting first and asking questions later, they routinely venture in where angels or any with an above average IQ fear to tread. This pedal to the metal attitude is meant to inspire, yet often nauseates with it’s simplistic cheeriness and laughable zeal. Generous to a fault, Aries can be a prime candidate for con artists, stock brokers and fringe political causes. They have a gift for fun and are fun to be around, unless on a debauched partying binge. Their aggressive nature can lead to brawling, catfights and getting eighty-sixed from a number of drinking establishments. This brashness ofttimes alienate family members and fellow prisoners alike. With their loopy idealism and reckless boasting Aries can get a rep for hot air production. A lack of patience and not finishing what they start can lead to repeated testing for ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder). Known for falling in love easily and falling out of love even quicker, many tend to think of Aries as superficial and emotionally callow, when their short attention span is the real culprit (symptomatic of ADD). Their clairvoyant abilities regularly lead to unusual relationships with the dead. It’s not unusual to find them alone talking to no one in particular. Not to worry. Could be on a cellphone, could be talking to the…. Aries is much loved for their “go for it” attitude and their vacuous outlook on life. Your rash imprudence and sophomoric ideals are some of your most endearing qualities.
Preferred career paths; US Congress, prophet, pastry chef, mud wrestler, ghost whisperer, used auto sales, bungie jump technician, suicide hotline, camp counselor, circus geek. Aries – March 21 – April 20

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